When I lost my virginity it was so awkward. I felt so embarrassed and afraid. I'm only 15, he was 14. It was with this boy I had a crush on for eighth months, we would flirt and talk dirty, on and off. One time he sent me nudes and I sent them back. I felt "closer" to him because now I felt like I could tell him anything, and I wasn't embarrassed, well I was wrong. I decided that I was ready to lose it to him, I thought "all my friends are doing it, why not me?" of course I didn't really know if any of my friends were having sex. I was one of the most least expected girls to lose my virginity before marriage I was big on abstinence and all but then when I thought about it I felt like I was just being naive. Anyway, he was out of town for a couple of weeks so we would talk dirty to each other over text and I just wanted to have sex with him already. When he came back he told me that he would pick me up and we were going to go to his place to **** so stupid me, went to his house and didn't bring condoms luckily, I was on birth control at the time (but only because my period was off)anyway we got there and watched some movies, his mom was at work so we were going to be alone til the next morning, I thought it was almost perfect. We went to his room and he quickly un dressed me and I watched him take his clothes off.. I had seen his penis in pictures but I never imagined it was that big. I was really scared because I heard that it was going to hurt + he had a HUGE penis. So there we were laying down naked.. I suddenly felt insecure and I didn't feel comfortable being naked around him..it was embarrassing but since I wanted to do this, I kept telling myself I had too. We started kissing and he whispered "Are you sure?" and I replied yes just do it. He jumped up on top of me, scooted me to the edge of the bed while he was standing up and then he entered me.. It felt like my vagina was throbbing, it hurt so bad! I told him to go slow..and he did but the pain wouldn't go away.. so after about 5 minutes he stopped and just took it out..and when I got home the next morning I took a 2 hour shower and I cried the whole day.. my mom kept asking me what was wrong and I just told her I was having problems with my friends, she believed me. The truth is that I felt dirty, disgusting, stupid, and violated, I regret it.. it's so much pain and it hurts even more when your not ready and you don't love the person your doing it with. He called me everyday for 3 weeks and I never answered, he texted me saying he was sorry and that he loved me.. but I just didn't feel the same.. I never wanted to see him again but soon after we started school.. and we had to face each other almost every day... we talked it out.. but It was never okay and it never will be, I regret it more than anything, and I hope god can forgive me for this.